The Enemy Within

Here's a news bulletin for you:

Testosterone, that wonderful steroid hormone that virilizes a man and makes us what we are, is also partly responsible for why we, on average, last less than women on this earth.

Isn't that grand?

Doomed by our very genetic makeup to suffer a life of libidinal over-exertion and declination, as well as advancing nasal hair growth, we're on a ride that cares little for our well-being, only for our ability to produce offspring.

Once production has commenced - testosterone couldn't care less about you and wants only what's best for the propagation of your genes. Unlike the menopause, which is nature's way of protecting the female from life-threatening gestation as she ages, and instead tells her to "take it easy and enjoy things from now on".

No, testosterone forces us forever onwards, to repeat the same errors - just as the Gods forced poor Sisyphus (unfortunate name) to roll that boulder up the hill, only for it to come rolling back down again the other side.

Camus was astute, and definitely had a point about the absurdity of life.

Testosterone improves athletic performance - enlargening our hearts, lungs, liver and producing larger volumed brains (and I must make the distinction that although male brains are larger on average, there is a decreased connection in the hemispheres - so performance isn't necessarily greater than that of females) - but is this a fair trade off for a life of strife, followed by an early grave?

And an interesting fact is that whilst studies show that testosterone doesn't lead to prostate cancer - it will help it spread if it's already there. The traitor.

So, chaps, if you hear a lady complain that life has dealt her an unfair hand because of her sex, simply explain that she will - on average - live longer, healthier, and with less chance of dying from pretty much everything life has to throw up at us mortals - car accidents, suicide, heart disease, stress-related illness, violent attacks etc.

To paraphrase Tammy Wynette (for there are no valid male alternatives, they all passed away) "Sometimes it's hard...to be a...man."